Meli Mel's Book Reviews

♥♥♥ 4.5 Painful Stars ♥♥♥

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'Yes. Yes. I want something true. I want you. I want you so bad.'

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Oh, my heart!! This book broke it. I knew that it was going to be an emotional read just by reading the blurb, BUT, I didn't know how intense it would be. What a journey.



Chase 'Chance' Summers seems to have it all. He has a perfect girlfriend he loves, great friends who adore him and he goes to school and it looks like he may have a successful future. Like I said, it seems like nothing wrong could ever happen to the flawless Chase. That could not be further from the truth. Deep inside Chase is hurting and his whole life is a lie. He has a secret and wants to keep it that way. But, he can't stay in the closet forever. He ends up becoming another version of himself that does exactly what he wishes he could do to men, by working on a porn site as "gay for pay".





This is where he meets Tommy 'Tango' Halloran, a fellow porn star who understands him, supports him, listens to him, gets to know him almost completely and still is at Chase's side. But Tommy has demons of his own. They are both broken but together they make each other feel whole. There were moments where reading about them was a bit frustrating. The lies, the secrets, all the hurt took a toll on me. It was so utterly heart breaking how much they hurt each other. However, I also loved seeing how intensely they loved each other. I felt for Mercy and can't imagine how she must have felt, but I was also rooting for Chase and Tommy to make it.

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"I want you."

"You have me. Whatever parts of me I can give you, you have them...What I'm doin' to you ain't fair. But as long as you want me, in pieces or whole, you have me."

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This whole situation made me want to scream and hurl things at Chase and Tommy. I also wanted to hug them so tight and kiss them everywhere. I hated that Chase's mother committed suicide when he was a child. I hated all of the verbal abuse he suffered by his drunkard father when he was growing up. Reading Chase's inner self tore at my heart strings. I just wanted him to okay. I wanted Tommy to be okay, too. I loved all the sweet moments in this book. I loved all the endearing and passionate kisses they shared. I loved all of their cuddling and playing house. I loved that they had such amazing friends in their fellow porn stars. I just plainly loved them together.

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"Yeah. I want to live with you. I want to live with you forever...I want a future. A real future. Not a movie set one. I want an us."

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Yes, this book was tragic and angsty, but it was also so beautiful. After all that heartache and pain that this story caused me, I also got so much joy in the end. It was not a light fluffy story by any means, it was raw and moving. It was quite the experience but it was done so well. It took me awhile to get use to the writing style, but once I did, I was enthralled by the story and characters. There were was also some amazing steam in this book. Hello...they were porn stars, of course the steam was going to be smoking hot! The secondary characters were so wonderful also. I'm really curious about Dex. The ending was so sweet and perfect. I was so happy for them that I couldn't contain my smile. This is definitely not for everyone but if you do decide to give this a go, remember to have tissues at hand.




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